Anxiety part 2

Do you remember that time I wrote about having an overwhelming amount of anxiety?

Well its still present but not as bad

(or more like just taking it one day at a time)

Two days after I wrote my post about anxiety Max got sick.

He was throwing up and had diarrhea. He wouldn't eat at all. 

He became lethargic, weak, and dehydrated.

After calling his pediatrician, they suggested we take him up to Primary Children's ER to check for dehydration.

We got up there and the Dr's came to the conclusion he was in fact dehydrated. 
They decided to put in an IV but decided to give him some Zofran (nausea medication) and see if he would eat on his own first. 
After 45 min of drinking the Zofran he drank 4 ounces of Pedialite. 
So they sent us home with a prescription.
He ate that night but by the next day was back to his old self.
I called his pediatricians office again. They just said to syringe him fluids as much as I could. 
So I did.
And 5 ml at a time he at 3 ounce total the whole night. 
It was so hard because every time I gave him a syringe of fluid he would fight. 
And when he was done fighting he was beyond exhausted.
He wasn't my happy baby. Something was wrong. 
So that morning back to Primary's we went.
This time right away they gave him an IV.
They pushed fluids for 40 min but he still wouldn't eat. 
We tried popsicle's, and slurpees, but he still wouldn't eat.
So after 6 hours and an IV still in his arm they decided to keep him over night.
I was so scared, I wanted my baby to be okay.
But you know what, I had no anxiety.
None.
I turned it over to the Lord.
I knew my Max was in his hands. 
It was really that easy. 
This was huge and it was The Lords.
The plan was to keep Max on IV fluids till 6 am and then take his IV and hope he would eat.
He slept a little.
Was checked up on a lot. 
And threw up everywhere about 1:30 am.
But 6 o'clock came.
And his IV came out. 
And he was weak but getting stronger.
But noon he was tired but over all a whole new kid. 
He had color back in his cheeks.
He was wiggly.
He was smiley.
He was ready to go home. 
Just like that.
So we did. And Oh.My.Gosh.
We were beyond thankful. There are no words.
The Dr. figured Max had a stomach bug and 4 new teeth try to get the best of him that week

What a lesson. I can turn over the "big" things like nobody's business but 
when I don't have all the laundry done I have a total breakdown never once thinking to turn to Him.

I didn't need nor want my baby to get sick but how great is our God to remind me that big or small he has my back and my Max.

Everything I know I learned in...

Do you know the answer to this question? 

If not Ill tell you, its kindergarten. 

True? Maybe!

But I do know that Jack is a little smarty pants and not a kindergartner anymore. 

I am so proud of him. 

We had some challenges this year but overall he (as he always does) blew me away.

He is such a special kid.

He is reading at a 2nd grand level right now.

Loves to know everything about everything.

And can count until you stop him.

I am not so thrilled to have a soon to be 1st grader

but

more than thrilled to see this guy grow and learn for many years to come.

Mantra

Philippians 4:6-7

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I need to claim this scripture as my mantra. 

Anxiety is beginning to consume me.

I have been in this place before a couple of times in my few 27 years.

 (Oh man, Ill be 28 soon, here comes the anxiety.)

It is hard. Being in my head all day is hard.

In 60 seconds I can think about how,

I am trying to loose my baby weight (from Jack, child number one may I add) and am doing okay but stuck at a plateau (anxiety). Will it ever come off? 

and about how,

I recently went out with a friend, actually two different friends on two different occasions. We discussed life, as you do when your with friends, I had to hold back the tears a majority of the time. (Anxiety creeps in because I am discussing life. Life is hard, sometimes overwhelming.) I am sure my face gets squishy and distorted. I know the person across from me is wondering if I am okay, wondering why I look as though I may throw up at any moment. It is because I am anxious.

And speaking of friends, I don't have many. I know it is quality not quantity. (I am blessed and have a few of the best friends a girl could ask for but, we are grown. We have jobs, and families. and they have friends of their own and I well get anxious.) 

It has always been this way for me,  I don't take risks because I worry. I worry about venturing out and not having that relationship work. Or if Ill say something dumb. I worry about the time it keeps me from my family. Or if my other friends will feel left out.

 I worry about everything. It keeps me from connecting with most people. 

And then,

I am anxious about not going above and beyond in school and work. 

I need to be perfect in the whatever class that I am taking a year from now and need to prepare somehow like 5 minutes ago or Ill never graduate. 

(Stress, more stress)

My home needs to be clean, more like pristine to perfection. 

I will (and have) scrub my textured walls until my hands bleed for that moment the UPS man brings a package by and looks in my living room for a millisecond. 

Heaven forbid he sees the finger prints on my walls. 

(Which lets be honest, you know he wouldn't even notice anyway.)

I think of how I aim for perfection. 

I must be the perfect wife, mother, daughter and friend. 

(Bring on the anxiety)

Oh and then,

I struck out while at bat at the softball game Friday. (Potential ulcer right there)

And I would never let myself forget that

Jack needs to know how to read at a 4th grade level. (He is only in kindergarten.)

Max needs to sleep through the night.

Lucy needs to have her manners turned on at all times.

(If this doesn't happen I may die.)

It is getting worse. Sometimes I think it may consume me.

For what? What is it all for? 

Why would I carry all this with me. Daily?

I am of the world.

 I am anxious.

I am OCD

I am a perfectionist.

I am a daughter of the One True King

Mantra:

Be anxious for nothing, pray for everything.

Again,

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer 

Pray.

It is so simple. 

Thank The Lord it is simple.

 I need simple.

No, this does not fix everything. 

No, I am not perfect.  

No, Ill never have the perfect job.

Or be a size 4

Ill never be a perfect wife, mother, or daughter.

And chances are pretty high I strike out again.

But...

I pray, I pray that

The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my hearts and mind through Christ Jesus.

I take comfort in this.

And already I am feeling slightly less anxious.

And I pray, this time with thanks.